An Open Letter to The Friend Who Took Her Life Too Soon.
By Courtney Musumeci
First thing I want to say is I miss you. I miss you every single day. I think about you often, at least 2 times a day. Though much time has passed, there is still a heaviness in my heart that will never fade.
You were truly one of the most genuine friends I have ever had. Though we had gone our separate ways towards our senior year of high school, our friendship remained. I knew that at any moment in time I could pick up the phone, call you and you would answer. But over 6 years have passed and I'm still waiting for you to return my phone call.
I don't have resentment or anger for what you did, but I am hurt. I'm hurt that you did not feel you could confide in me. I'm hurt that you felt we couldn't work through this together, fight our battles. I'm hurt that you didn't keep your promise to me, a promise that still haunts me with guilt to this day.
Unlike most, I don't ask "why" you did this. I know there is no direct reason "why." I know you were suffering but it was stupid of you to think this was only way out. You had your entire life ahead of you, family and friends who loved you and a bright future to look forward to. It was a selfish move; how could you not have thought you would be missed? God I wish I could smack you right now.
I shouldn’t be writing this right now. You shouldn’t be gone, but here we are. You should be here right now. So much had happened since you've been gone and I have so much to tell you. Good, bad and list of a couple of people you need to knock some sense into for me.
Our friendship was an eccentric and one of a kind one to say the least. I cherish every carefree, adventurous, unpredictable, chaotic and happy memory we have together. It’s something I will forever hold onto.
Years later we all still feel the scars from the day you chose to leave. Family, friends, teachers and even strangers. Did you ever think to yourself what the aftermath of your decision would be?
Despite the choice you made, I had to accept the fact that you were gone. I had two choices. I could give up or I keep going. I chose to keep going.
You're the reason I keep going, and keep moving forward. You are my inspiration to make a difference in the world in many ways. And I promise you I will. This is not goodbye; this is a see you later.
In Loving Memory of Alexis Skye Pilkington.
June 17, 1992-March 21, 2010
“Give Everything But Up.”
Michael and I have both lost friends to suicide, but had never expressed our grief musically. After the untimely passing of Alexis Pilkington, we felt responsible as artists to finally do so. We weren’t close to Alexis personally, but like so many others in our community, we were overwhelmed by her story. The outpour of love and support surrounding the Pilkington family inspired us to compose “Everything But Up.” As songwriters, we always search for the heart in everything we write. In this case, it wasn’t hard to do. After what had happened, all we wanted was to take Alexis by hand and tell her what a beautiful and talented and radiant human being she was.